How can you tell?
by Oblivian03
Summary: How can you tell when someone you love can't take it anymore? How can you tell when their thoughts are on a much darker path than you thought? No slash. WARNING: contains some depressive themes later on. No self-harm though. (Just thought I'd point that out).
1. A little nightmare

**Clearly don't own the Hobbit.**

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**Alright, this one is my next multi chapter containing Dis and Thorin mostly with a few appearances of little Fili and Kili. As a word of warning I am not apt at writing children so I will try my best. I will also not be able to update for two to three weeks because I am going overseas and not taking my laptop with me (sorry). On another note al my chapters will be around this length (between 1000 and 2000 words) just because I want to see if I can keep all the chapters relatively the same length.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 1: A little nightmare**

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Dis looked up as the door slammed closed and tutted. He would wake the children, not that it would really be a big deal; they both loved their uncle dearly and had been sorely disappointed when they had been sent to bed before he had returned. She smiled almost wickedly. If they had woken because of his loud entrance, she would just get their uncle to put them back to sleep; admittedly not an easy task once they were awake and bouncing around with an endless amount of energy running through their blood. Somehow Dis could not recall ever having been like that herself as a child, and, as precious as her sons were, sometimes she just wanted to spend a little time away from them on her own.

Placing her broom against the wall, she moved to greet her brother. Dis' smile was not returned however, but it held no concern. Her brother had rarely smiled since the loss of Erebor; no one really smiled except for those who were not present on that black day and could not remember the hardships they had faced after, even worse than the ones they faced now.

"I did not expect you home so soon," she said to the dwarf in front of her. It was like talking to a wall.

Thorin grunted in reply and sunk into a nearby chair. Again this was not unusual; he did work night and day to provide for his family and people, as well as having to sort out the political problems that came with the territory of being a king to a displaced people. It was no wonder he was worn down every time he came back from the forges or a meeting.

"And how did business go today?"

"It could've been better," was the mumbled response.

Dis frowned and placed her hands on her hips. "Don't do this again, Thorin," she said with a slight hint of annoyance in her voice. Thorin looked up wearily, an expression of pure exhaustion crossing over his face.

"I am sorry sister, but I am completely and utterly worn out. If you'll excuse me, I think I shall retire to bed." With that, he stood and moved towards the back of the house, disappearing into his small room. Dis looked after him with a sigh, wishing there was something she could do to bring her brother's spirits up.

Turning back to the table the dark haired dwarf had briefly sat at, she picked up the untouched bowl of stew. Seeing no point in wasting what was perfectly good food, she put it out for the few stray dogs that lurked around this part of town. The single mother of two was always glad for the cautious company they provided when she felt particularly lonely and isolated from those of her own age and gender. She was mostly stuck in the house looking after the children, something she did not regret but would change if she could. Others helped out here and there, but rarely as most had their own families to see to.

A small cry from her sons' shared room drew her back into the house and towards their door. Opening it, she peered inside, not wanting to wake one of the boys if one was indeed still sleeping. Her caution proved to serve her well as she laid eyes upon the shared bed. The elder still slept peacefully even as the younger was quietly rocking himself back and forth in the tight ball he had curled into.

Moving closer into the proximity of her youngest, she quietly closed the door behind her. "What is it, my darling?" she asked, noting the mostly silent tears and gasps that were coming from the brunette child's shaking form. Kili looked up at her with big, round, watery eyes.

"Momma," he whimpered, holding out his arms out towards the one adult he trusted above all others, with the possible exception of his uncle. Dis did not hesitate to scoop up the child in her own sturdy arms.

"Hush," she whispered gently while rocking the dwarfling, "You'll wake your brother." The distraught youngster clung to her with tiny fists.

It was a while before Kili's soft sniffing subsided and Dis' arms ached from holding him for so long. He was not as small as he used to be, though admittedly still smaller than he should be for his age, a fact which worried her constantly.

"Now tell me what this is about," she said softly, guessing it had been some form of nightmare. Kili bit his lip and sniffed one last time before answering.

"I dreamt that uncle left us," he replied quietly in a teary voice, "Cause he hasn't come home yet and he always comes home, always, which means he's not coming home, which means he's gone, which means he's never coming back, which means my dream is true isn't it?" He broke off into sobs.

Dis stifled a small sigh as she tried to decipher the meaning behind the child's almost incoherent babbling. It amazed her at how one so young could ramble on and make practically no sense whatsoever. She had been right about the nightmare though, and she thankfully knew an easy way to rectify the situation.

"Your uncle's not gone, Kili, he hasn't left us," she said, trying at the same time to stem the sobbing, "He just came home late, that's all."

"B…but I…" her son gasped, clearly still terrified at what he had experienced in the nightmare and fearing that it was somehow real. Dis cut of her son, knowing from experience gained over the past few weeks that there was only one way the reassure the little dwarfling.

"He is in his room, sleeping. I will show you."

She proceeded to do just that, walking out the door to Fili and Kili's room and into the one that led to Thorin's, still trying to abate her son's tears.

"See, there's nothing to worry about," she said as she rubbed soothing circles into Kili's back. The dwarfling peered over her arm and looked for himself, tears slowly fading much to his mother's relief.

"Oh," he said softly as he watched Thorin twitch in his sleep, "And he's not going to leave us?" Dis shook her head.

"No, lovely, he will not." She watched as he yawned, crisis all but forgotten. Again she marvelled at the child's mind. "Alright, let's get you into bed." The small brunette did not protest and rubbed his eyes with tiny fists. He was all but asleep when Dis re-entered his room.

"Mother?" another tired voice asked.

"Go back to sleep Fili," she said softly as she tucked in the blonde's younger brother who was now dead to the world. The dwarfling obeyed her and snuggled back down beneath the covers, cozing up to his brother whose gave a small, contented sigh, a smile ghosting itself across his face. Fili smiled at his brothers response and yawned.

"Goodnight mother," he murmured sleepily. Dis smiled at her eldest.

"Goodnight my darling," she murmured back, kissing him lightly on the brow before doing the same to his brother and departing through the doorway. She stood a moment before closing the door, admiring the peaceful scene of her two little miracles curled up together lost in their dreams.

Dis felt a small weight lift off her shoulders as she hummed her way to her own bed, retiring for the night. She paused in midstride, glancing over to the table where a lone bowl of cold stew sat, waiting for the dwarf who owned it to come swaggering in through the doors. Not that it would happen. Not that it could happen. Where he had gone, no one could ever come back from. Never the less, she left it there just in case.

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**Review, please. I love getting them.**


	2. And the morning after

******This chapter came up faster than I was expecting but like I said in my author's note last chapter, it will definitely take me a couple of weeks to update again (especially since I will not have time to write). Hope you like this chapter and thanks to those who reviewed or private messaged me about last chapter. I am hoping to receive a few more this time. **

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**Chapter 2: And the morning after**

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"Look, will you be home by dinner or won't you?" Dis snapped, slamming her hands down on the counter. There was a pause in the childish play unravelling in the other room and Dis took in a long, deep breath before looking back at her brother. "Well?" she asked in a quieter voice this time, mindful of the little ears that might be listening. Her brother stared at her for a moment before opening his own mouth to answer.

"I'll be back once I have finished," he said evasively, knowing full well that his younger sister hated it when he did not return at what she deemed to be a reasonable hour. Dis could have strangled him for that answer if not for the sad, desolated look in his eyes that she so rarely saw vanish since the incident, and even before all of this it had lingered in the two blue orbs, so instead she moved towards Thorin and placed her hands on his arm as if to keep him there with her.

"Why do you need to work so hard?" she asked, her voice soft and clean of any of the anger she had displayed before, "Can you not leave it to someone else to do?" Thorin sighed as he pulled her into a rough, brotherly hug, placing his chin atop her head.

"I am the leader of our people, Dis," he answered, his voice weighted with the burden of great responsibility, "I must look after my own people, otherwise what king would I be?"

"Yet, in order to be a king, you are growing further away from your own kin," Dis retaliated, "Do you know Kili had a nightmare about you leaving permanently just like Rhorin last night?" Thorin stared at her in shock for a moment before glancing towards the door which separated the two adults from the two children.

"No, I did not. Have they still not abated?" he asked. Dis shook her head.

"And I doubt they will if you continue on the way you have," she said in answer, "You and me are all they have left now and if something happens to you… It's just that I need you here with me," the dwarfish woman said, allowing her desire for her brother to stay outweigh her inherited pride of a dwarf. Thorin sighed at this and Dis instantly felt guilty about pushing her worries onto her older sibling but she had no idea of where else to turn to.

"If anything happens to me, you know full well that both Balin and Dwalin will look after you and the boys," he said reassuringly though his tone seemed to be bland and tired like it had been the night before, like it had been ever since the accident with the wagon. Dis bit her lip, more than worried at the lack of life her brother had been displaying lately but unsure of what to do about it. Besides, she had her own problems to deal with, problems that involved her late husband's lack of presence around their meagre home.

"At least take the time to eat," she said finally, stepping back from her brother's embrace and pushing the dark haired dwarf into a chair at the table. She placed a small plate of food in front of him and, if anything, Thorin's face grew tighter at the sight of the small meal.

Dis knew what was running through his head for they had always been similar in thinking and the same thoughts ran through her own head day after day. It was not the life she had wanted for her little ones, but when he had been here, when Rhorin had been there, at least these hardships had been bearable. Now, they were blatantly obvious to say the least. The day Smaug had taken Erebor from them was a dark one indeed. But they had made do with what they had.

"Mother?" a small voice asked from the doorway. The proud woman looked over to see a small, blonde form standing in the entrance to the kitchen and dining room with a smaller, brown haired silhouette clinging to his waist. Thorin looked up from his food and smiled at his two nephews, a genuine smile which only they seemed able to draw out from him.

"Come here," he said, opening his arms wide enough to accommodate both the young dwarflings. Fili and Kili let broad smiles break across their faces and dashed forward to leap onto his lap. Thorin gave a small chuckle and kissed both their bobbing heads. They responded with delighted squeals, hugging him tightly.

"Alright boys," Dis said, hating to break up the happy moment but knowing that her brother needed to get going if he was to earn a substantial amount of income through work at the forges, "You're uncle needs to go now so let him up." The two obeyed their mother immediately and jumped down from their positions on Thorin's knees, Fili helping his younger brother off.

Thorin went to stand, leaning over the table to kiss his sister on the brow as he did so. The action was carried out stiffly in an air of an abundant sorrow, so quick to return in place of the joyous mood Dis' children had evoked in the dwarfish king. It was obvious to her that he was still in some sort of mourning a month after the burial, yet she couldn't rebuke him for it for she was still in mourning too. Rhorin had been their kinsman after all, and her husband.

"See you once I have finished," her brother murmured in her ear, an unspoken promise to Dis that he would return unlike Rhorin had all those nights ago. This thought sent her spiralling onto a darker path of mind for the rest of the dreary day. It did not escape her notice, however, that though her brother had been sitting there for a good slab of time, he had barely touched what had been on his plate. Fear gnawed at her heart as she once again found herself with a whole meal of which to get rid of, a meal which was supposed to have provided much needed energy for her older sibling.

She sighed, remembering the expression that had crossed his face when they had been informed. There had been an accident Balin had informed them having been the dwarf unlucky enough to pull up the short straw, or lucky enough for he knew them better than almost anyone save for his brother, Dwalin. The white bearded dwarf had a sad look upon his face when he had said that Rhorin had been run down by an out of control horse and wagon, he had died a hero, saving a woman and child from sharing the same fate but it did not matter. He had been taken from them, on the anniversary of the doomed battle for Moria no less, and the deaths of Thror and Frerin. No wonder why Thorin had gotten up to leave the room even if he had used the excuse of finding his two nephews.

A small cry from the next room and the shout of 'Mother, Kili has fallen off the chair again' was enough to snap Dis out of her dark memories and cause her to swallow her grief as for the hundredth time she walked over to her two unruly boys to treat what would most likely be a bruised knee and broken ego. As Kili looked up to her with round, tearful eyes, his brother hovering protectively around him, all thoughts of Thorin flew out the window as she tried not to smile at the pair of youngsters' antics.

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	3. Show me you care

******Jetlag is a killer. Hi there, yes it's me; I'm back and have updated. Sorry for the long wait but I didn't have access to my laptop for two weeks and when I got back I was all but dead from the twenty-three hour long plane trip (*shudder*). Here's the next chapter in this fic though it is probably not as good as I would like. The next few chapters might take a while too as I sort of need to figure out how to get this story to go where I want it to go properly. Also, visit my other stories if you haven't already, especially my one shots, and LEAVE REVIEWS. Even if they are just pointers on what I could fix (besides the obvious). Any and all reviews are much appreciated. Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 3: Show me you care**

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The day was a long one with Dis having to pick up after her two wildly exuberant sons, make them all a small lunch, do several tedious chores around the house, and a small batch of sewing to finish it all off. She was more or less exhausted as she sat in the chair she so often occupied embroidering a grouping of dainty little flowers on a piece of cloth she could sell at the markets to help her brother bring in some income. It did not earn a lot but enough that it could contribute to the cost of buying things for the boys. The rest Dis put away in case of a rainy day of which would soon very abruptly arrive.

Now was about the only alone time that the princess of Durin would be likely to receive that day for both Fili and Kili were worn out from their antics earlier on. She felt a small sense of relief over that for at times she felt she simply did not have the strength or stamina to keep up with them. It had always been a two person job and they had both been more easily controlled by their father who had some understanding of their strange, youthful desires being a small boy once himself. But he was now gone and she felt strangely empty. Still, having her boys was a great comfort, especially since Fili had inherited many traits from his father and Kili had inherited his eyes. Between the two of them they managed to mask that gap in her heart and drag her from her depressing thoughts.

It was at that moment that the door was thrown open by a very tall and burly dwarf, one that Dis did not instantly recognised. So it was only when the dwarf stepped forward that she lowered the raised pair of scissors in her hands. Dwalin grunted as he helped lead Thorin towards a nearby chair.

"Some welcome," she heard him muttering under his breath. Dis ignored this comment as she hurriedly flew to her brother's side.

"What's wrong with him?" she gasped mindful of the sleeping children nearby. Dwalin's mouth was set in a straight line as he sent his friend a look that showed he was displeased about something.

"Your brother here has been working himself too hard," the warrior answered turning to face the dwarfish woman, "And so was not at full alertness when in the forges today. An anvil almost fell on top of him. As it was, he landed rather hard in the crates and injured his leg, thus the limping. Though that would have been my fault," Dwalin told her with a sheepish expression spreading a little way across his face, "I pushed him too hard."

"Balin insisted that I return home for the day," Thorin spoke up from the couch, sounding a cross between displeased and detached. Dis sent him a look of her own.

"And he was right to. You are the leader of our people and it would do us no good to lose you now, it would do them no good just as it never will," she said, gesturing towards where her sons were currently stationed. Dwalin looked between the two siblings before tipping his head slightly and excusing himself to walk back to the forges. He promised to keep an eye on things along with Balin and, at Thorin's express wishes, inform the dark haired dwarf if anything went wrong. Dis knew, however, that the warrior would unlikely hold up to this promise. It was a relief to know someone else was looking out for her sometimes self-destructive brother.

The woman bustled around the kitchen for a bit before placing a small bowl of soup in front of her brother.

"Eat," she said, her voice leaving no room for argument, "And don't try to get out of it for I won't let you up until you eat." To reiterate this point, she folded her arms menacingly across her chest as she stood in front of him.

Thorin started up at her for a second before raising the half-filled spoon to his lips. He tipped the contents into his mouth. He swallowed. Dis smiled almost darkly as he gazed back up at her with smoky-blue eyes, almost as if he was pleading for her not to make him go through with this.

"And now you have only about fifty more half spoons to go," she said, taking a strange joy in forcing her older brother who was usually so protective to do something. But forcing him to eat; it was more than a little concerning. So she maintained her vigil and under her watchful eye Thorin consumed several more spoonfuls before letting the instrument clatter in the bowl. Dis closed her eyes and counted slowly to ten before opening them again. "Why?" was all she said.

"I cannot help it if I am not hungry," he replied. Again Dis regained her self-control before answering levelly.

"You haven't been hungry for days," she shot back at a him. Thorin did not meet her eyes. "Look, it is just like after the disappearance of our father all over again. You are withdrawing into yourself, working too hard and you know it."

"What else am I supposed to do?" he asked softly, "I must look after this family. You are all I have left." Dis raised an eyebrow at him, untouched by his words.

"And how are you going to do that?" she sneered, "By getting yourself killed at the forges because you are not paying attention? Or ignoring me and my boys when you are either too tired or too focused to do anything or say anything to us? For once I wish you would show me you care because, whatever that is, it isn't caring."

The two stared at each other for a time, blue eyes meeting blue as they read deep into each other's eyes or at least tried to. Dis was finding it a particularly hard task to complete.

"If you have nothing to say then I am going to get some rest," she finally stated, waited a few moments before walking disappointedly to her room when her brother did not speak up.

Closing the door quietly behind her she laid herself down gracefully on her bed. The small nap would only be ten or so minutes; not long at all and she was sure that the movement of the sun towards her window and the loud playing of her two sons would be more than enough to wake her anyway. It wasn't until after she closed her eyes that she realised how tired she was and when she finally reopened them a small shaft of moonlight was streaming through the window in her room.

_What the…?_

Dis sat up, the covers sliding off her shoulders as she tried to peer through the drawn curtains. She did not remembered closing them or pulling the bed cloths over herself either.

_Strange._

Standing the dwarfish princess ghosted her way over to the door and opened it ever so slightly. The hallway was empty and long, dark shadows were cast over each corner within her line of sight.

_Fili and Kili…_

A small bubble of a thin sense of fear washed through her as well as that of anticipation. Both were quelled as she took in the sight of her two little ones entwined together yet again. Smiling she closed the door to their room and looked around for who or what might have accomplished all this. A quick glance towards the end of the hall showed Thorin's closed door with a thin strip of light underneath.

Walking towards her brother's room she smiled slightly to herself sure that he had taken the rest of the day off and spent it with his nephews. Drawing back, she prepared to enter to see if he was still awake. The dwarfish descent of Durin was not, however, and he snored softly into his pillow. Dis smiled again and returned the small favour he had performed for her before, drawing the covers up over his own shoulders.

Backing out she moved to the kitchen to sit and think, mulling over her brother's now peaceful face, no longer tired from that day. The wooden bowl next to her sat there dejectedly, almost as if it was waiting for her to clean it up. And she did, washing and drying the gloriously, gloriously empty bowl.

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	4. Now and hereafter

******Hello. Sorry if the update was a bit long but I got a bit stuck for ideas before it finally flowed. A word of thanks to both So-Sings-Nightingales and OMGyou8mynwet (cool name by the way) who were sort of the inspiration for this chapter (whether they knew it or not). My ideas seem to be on track now so the rest of the story should hopefully flow smoother now and the updates faster. Bit no promises. Hope you like it.**

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**Chapter 4: Now and hereafter**

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Dis took a breath. It had happened here; Thorin had been the one to tell her. She then had decided not to set foot there ever again. And now here she was, breaking the decision she had made almost two months back. But she could not let Thorin or another dwarf buy their food and other material needs from the market forever. Mind you, she had point blank refused to allow her two small sons to come for it was just as crowded as ever with horses and carts still strewn throughout the throng. Pausing in her meaningful strides Dis stopped to inhale deeply.

"I haven't seen you around here for a while, Lady Dis," a kind voice said beside her. The dwarfish princess turned to see the kindly face of an acquaintance, if that, giving her a small smile. Dis did not smile back.

"Yes, it has been a while," she agreed, fingering the hem of her sleeve and fighting an overwhelming urge to run at the same time. _Durin, it happened here. Right here where I'm standing._

"My Lady?" the woman asked again. Reeha her name was, Dis remembered, pulled from her state of anguish and forcing her to focus.

"You come here a lot?" she asked and the other dwarfish woman nodded in response, "Then you will be able to tell me where the best place to buy several toys. Not pricey but not lacking in quality either." It wasn't a demand, more like a request, and it was one that Reeha did not hesitate to answer.

"That caravan over there has been making its way through several towns and I have heard talk that the toys are fairly priced and are of an excellent quality," Reeha informed her pointing a little distance over the square. Dis smiled inwardly to herself briefly, catching a glimpse of a few wares and knowing that as gifts for her boys they would do very well. Maybe she could even get something for Thorin if her budget allowed her; something fun and that would entice laughter from him, if not poke fun at him for her own amusement.

The dwarfish princess began to make her way over to the makeshift store, avoiding drawing unwanted attention to herself and mind rebelling as she ventured further and further into the marketplace yet rejoicing as she moved away from the still faintly bloodstained spot she had been standing on previously.

It was a wonder that she hadn't had a panic attack. But then again, she had been raised around enough lose to be stronger than at least that.

"Can I help you, Ms?" asked a cheery voice so out of place among the usually dreary dwarves of this village. Dis forced a polite smile as she looked upon the droopy-moustached dwarf in front of her.

"I take it you are the owner of this shop?" she asked. The dwarf nodded.

"Yep, that would be me and my cousin, Bifur. Name's Bofur by the way." The storeowner's informal sort of talk and strange accent seemed to relax the unknown tension that had been building up inside of Dis and she smiled again, a genuine one this time.

"Well then, I would like to purchase a few items from you if you would be so kind as to allow me to view your wares." She could see the dwarf raise his eyebrows slightly at her own formal talk but he did not lose his ear-splitting grin and complied with her wishes, pulling out a few trays of toys. They were works of art in their own tiny right and Dis gave several complements to Bofur. He just grinned wider and shook his head.

"Most are not my work, Ms," he told her, "But my cousin, Bifur's. He gestured through the material flap of the caravan and Dis could see a large silhouette inside as she peered in. "I'll tell him you appreciate his works. He should find that pleasing."

The dwarfish woman went back to inspecting the objects that had been presented to her, trying to determine which ones her two energetic and overly imaginative boys would like the best. She hadn't put herself in a child's shoes for a while and she was admittedly a bit rusty with the whole thing. It was then that a certain toy caught her eye.

The widowed dwarf scooped up the carved dwarfish miner in shaky hands and silently took an equally shaky breath, holding back tears. Give the small figurine blonde hair, brown eyes, and Fili's nose and then he would have been a perfect doll sized image of Rhorin. Her barely, if at all healed heart slowly cracked in a million fragile pieces.

"Ms?" she could hear Bofur asking, but his voice sounded somewhat faded, drowned out by the noise created by the rushing blood in her ears. _Oh, Mahal… _

A shout behind her drew her somewhat dazed gaze towards the source of the yelling and she started as she saw a horse stampeding towards her; a proper, massive horse. Her face blanched faster than she, or anyone else for that matter, could blink. _Oh, Durin. No. I can't go. Not now, not like this. _The faces of her two boys flashed before her eyes.

Rough hands grabbed her and pulled her away, leaping from the small toy stall as the horse ploughed right into the vehicle. Dis could only stare at the sight before her with wide eyes, the small figurine she had been holding having fallen from her shock slackened hands and crushed under the wild horse's hooves. Beside her Bofur frowned, panting at the exertion it had taken to perform such a large leap. The dwarf that could only be Bifur was beside him, frowning and muttering under his breath in Khuzdul. A familiar figure pushed his way through the gathered crowd, stopping only a few short moments to take in the scene before making his way over to her.

"Are you alright?" Thorin asked her in an almost frantic tone. She broke her gaze away from the fallen horse and half destroyed caravan and looked into his eyes, nodding, still too shaken to speak. The son of Thrain then turned to face her rescuer. "Thank you," he said simply, eyes betraying his now calm demeanour. Bofur looked into the grateful dwarf's eyes and spoke, his expression serious, none of his cheerful mood showing in his features.

"I would do the same for anyone," was his simple answer, "Though," he said with a regretful look, "Have no idea where we can stay while we get this mess fixed." Thorin stared at him for a moment before speaking up again, his expression the same as before, eyes still filled with a mixture of relief, worry, and gratitude.

"Stay in the local inn nearby. I will cover the expenses." Before the dwarf could get over his shock enough to thank the dwarfish royalty, Thorin had already taken his sister by the hand and pulled her away gently. Dis let him.

It did not take long for them to reach the small building they now called home and when they were just inside the door, safe from any prying eyes trying to invade their privacy, Dis sank to the floor, shoulders slumped and tears beginning to stream down her face. Thorin looked at her for a moment, seeming both conflicted and unsure of what to do before finally sinking to his knees beside her.

"Hey, it's alright," he said in the way that only older brothers could. Dis did not heed his words, barely managing to keep her gasping sobs quiet enough so as not to alert her children. Right now she could not bear anymore reminders of him. Maybe she hadn't been as healed as she thought she was.

Thorin stared at her for a while before pulling her into his shoulder, allowing her to muffle her already uncontrollable sobs in his shoulder. His grey-blue eyes swam with sadness and if Dis had been bothered to look, she would have seen him shed a few of his own silent tears. But only a few. Her brother was not one to display his emotions as openly as that, not even in the own company of his family.

"What are we supposed to do?" she cried, her voice sounding broken from the sorrow and grief chocking her throat. The older of the two sighed, thinking the question through thoroughly before answering.

"What he would expect us to do; continue on."

"But how can I do that when he is not here to help me?" Dis argued, sniffing several times as she continued to weep into the comfort that was her brother.

"You have to try," he said softly, "If only for Fili and Kili. They almost lost you today. Cherish the time you have with them for you never know who might lose who in the future." His wise words were met by more sobs, if only for the fact that Dis did not want to think about losing anyone else that day, or any day really. "You have to be strong for them," her brother continued to murmur, stroking her hair a few times to try and stem her flow of tears, "They cannot afford to see you break down like this, so control yourself."

This last part was said sternly and it hit right at home. The grief-ridden widow slowly but surely regained her composure, and soon all that was left of her meltdown were the puffy, red eyes she had given herself. Thorin was right, now and hereafter she could not allow her grief to get the better of her, not if she wanted to take care of her two small miracles and reminders, reminders of what she had lost but also of what she had to look forward to; to live for. She took the hand offered to her and stood, albeit shakily, on her own two feet.

"Will you be fine?" Thorin asked, reluctant to leave her if she answered no, but drop dead tired at the same time. Dis smiled a wan smile and nodded, giving him a brief hug before pulling away and pushing him towards his room.

"You should get some sleep," she told him gently.

"As should you," was his rumbling reply. But the words held all the love and care he felt for her, two emotions that had been repeatedly broken in him, in both of them time after time after time. They could push through though, together like they always had. Yet as Dis watched her brother's back disappear into his poorly lit room, she could not help but feel in her gut a tiny, miniscule feeling that this time something was different, something had changed.

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	5. Hidden away

******Hello out there and greetings to my fellow readers. Thanks for favourites and follows and reviews. I am glad you have so much faith in this story. The next chapter or so should be faster because they lead straight on from this one. Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 5: Hidden away**

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Throughout the next week, Dis threw herself into her housework, trying to erase the memories of what had happened in the marketplace, both the week before, and the months before that. She would return eventually, but, for now, the dwarfish woman was happy not to acknowledge that part of town existed.

Fili and Kili did their best to keep her on her toes as well. Between putting them to bed and wrestling them into the tub, their mother found she had no energy left at the end of the day and welcomed the quiet evenings with Thorin, sitting by the small and modest fireplace in their front room. While the younger of the two used the down time to embroider pieces of cloth and repair holey clothes, the elder could usually be seen reading or sketching on the table positioned in front of his chair. A few times he had fallen asleep. It seemed that, after having his sister nearly run down, the dark haired dwarf was making a point to be home in enough time to spend at least half a wasted hour with her. It was a gesture Dis appreciated.

It was late one evening and Thorin, having fallen asleep from a tiring day of work at the forges, snored softly in the chair upon which he was slouched. Dis had decided to put away her own work in favour of reading a small book given to her by a friend. It was a good, enthralling story yet it did not seem to grasp her as it should. The princess moved onto another small task, eager to keep her mind active, not feeling the slightest bit drowsy. There was no sewing to be done for once, and she did not quite feel like taking up her embroidery again.

Dis searched for another task to keep her mind busy and soon laid eyes upon the few scattered sheets of paper strewn around her brother. Standing, she retrieved them and brought them back to her chair. She smiled softly to herself and shook her head slowly as she realised what her brother who could not stand paper work had been doing.

Swiping up a pot of ink and the writing instrument her brother had been using, Dis set about finishing transferring the list of names on one sheet to another. Each pair of names signified a newly wedded couple and inside, Dis bloomed with the happiness of knowing there was still some good in the world. It also made her realise just how detached she had been from others, aside from her family, for the past two months. Between her husband's tragic and untimely death and the marketplace fiasco, she had rarely ventured out of the house's door, save for the funeral held in her late husband's honour. She hadn't needed to for Thorin had always provided for the four of them, and would continue to do so regardless of what happened. In her mind, the princess of Durin reasoned that she should begin to take some of the responsibilities off her brother's shoulders and venture out, but the more primitive part of her mind rejected the thought, stating that outside was dangerous and could get you killed.

Ignoring, yet still acknowledging, both sides of the argument presented to her by her brain, Dis reasoned that she should at least be taking her two boys out every so often or else they would become even more stir crazy. They were relieved every now and then by either Thorin, Dwalin or Balin, but there were sometimes lengthy periods in between those times when the two growing dwarflings did not have the opportunity to venture outside at all. Now was one of those times and it drove them point blank crazy. Soon perhaps, but she still needed a bit more time to get over her near death experience.

A small, broken groan, low in both tone and volume, caused her head to shoot up at light speed. She looked over to where Thorin was dreaming and would have been lying if she hadn't admitted that his almost tortured expression had startled her. It was obvious that he was having a nightmare, but what of Dis had no idea. It could have been anything; they had been through so much. But whether it was the battle of Moria or the deaths of all those children in that first, terrible winter, it was clear that her brother would not be waking up anytime soon, at least not without a little help.

Moving cautiously over towards the dwarf's sleeping form least he should begin to throw his arms and legs around in his sleep, Dis called to him softly, willing and begging him to wake up.

"Brother, you must wake for you are dreaming," she said softly, yet firmly, "Thorin! It is just a dream. Now wake!" The dark haired dwarf snapped his eyes open and panted for a slight bit before turning to look at his sister. Dis stared at him in concern.

"What…?" he asked, unaware of, or just refusing to acknowledge, the worried look which graced his sister's face. Dis frowned.

"You were having a nightmare. It looked like a particularly bad one so I woke you." Her response was met by an almost ashamed and angry silence. The dwarfish woman was not surprised; she knew how Thorin hated to appear weak in any way.

"Oh, if that is all-" the still slightly disturbed dwarf began, but Dis cut him off.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. Thorin stared at her as if she was mad.

"There is nothing to talk about," he stated, a hint of anger touching his voice and colouring his tone in an ugly way. Dis stared at him for another few moments before regathering her wits and answering. She was not about to be cowered by her elder brother.

"Your nightmare," she said with barely contained frustration. Why did he always have to make things difficult?

"Is my business," Thorin replied haughtily, "And it was not much of one anyway; more like a dream that just drifted off path." The look that had been on his face just moments before Dis had woken him was enough to contradict his last declaration. And the look in his eyes, like he wasn't quite sure of himself. Dis shook off an apprehensive feeling, allowing her anger to grow.

"Are you going to lie to me when it was clearly obvious, from where I was seated with a front row view to your face, that it was more than _just a dream gone astray_?" she asked, her tone colouring over with an ill kept anger. Thorin did not, however, back down.

"And are you, who appears to know my mind better than myself, going to question every small thing I do?" he shot back with the bitter bite of vengeance. Dis could have screamed at him if not for the fact that Fili and Kili were still in the house, and asleep too.

"When you don't tell me the truth," she replied in a scornful voice, "Yes." Thorin was not amused and the crease between his eyebrows deepened even further.

"If you knew half of the truths that I did, you would not be asking that of me," her brother told her, speaking in both a tight and clipped tone.

"If I knew half the truths you did, I wouldn't have to," she rebounded, refusing to lose to the dwarf before her. They were both struggling to keep their voices low and if one did not give up and surrender soon, than the two sleeping boys would be woken and things explained. And both adults agreed to not wanting that scenario to unfold.

They glared at each other for a time, at an obvious stalemate with nowhere to go without submitting. But their proud upbringing would not allow either one to bow in defeat, for not only were they dwarves, they were of the blood line of Durin and to admit to defeat was not in their nature.

Soon enough both turned to leave the room and prepare for bed, unable to continue with the meek activities they had been partaking in before. At one point Thorin, in his anger, accidently swept a pile of sheets onto the floor and Dis, without stopping to think, bent to help him recover them. But just as her fingertips touched one particular sketch, it was yanked away hard, the wind caused by this extreme and unexpected force stirring up a few other sheets nearby. Standing, the dwarfish woman had cast one last withering glance towards her brother and stormed off to retire for the night.

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	6. A foreboding gloom

******Alright, this chapter contains Fili and Kili. (the next chapter might as well). Enjoy (May not be the best, but see what you think...)**

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**Chapter 6: A foreboding gloom**

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The next morning was far from being a cheery one. With two dwarfish adults, brother and sister, going about the house and slamming things around, even the two smallest of the family could understand that something was up and knew enough to know that it was a fairly serious matter.

Thorin was gone before Dis really had a chance to say anything to him, though it may have been for the better for it allowed more time for them both to cool off. Still, she was really mad at how secretive her brother could be. They were family! Could he not see that keeping secrets would only cause her more emotional pain than she could deal with now?

"Mother, are you mad at uncle?" a small voice asked timidly as she banged a newly washed bowl on the counter in front of her. Dis turned to her eldest, a small, fake smile already spreading itself across her lips.

"It is nothing, Fili," she reassured the blonde, "Why would you think that?" Blue eyes blinked up at her, so much like her own yet totally different at the same time.

"Because you seem awfully mad today," he answered, though his eyes seemed to be hiding something else, "And me and Kili did nothing, I am sure, because I just woke up. We didn't do anything right?" he finished, panic beginning to show itself in his eyes. Dis sighed.

"It's Kili and I, Fili," she corrected before replying to the question, "And no, it was not anything that you or your brother done. Where is your brother?" she asked, suddenly noticing that Fili was without his constant shadow. Fili stared back up at her.

"Still in bed, sleeping I think. He was tired when he fell asleep. I can get him for you if you like," he said, eager to be of use and prove that she shouldn't be mad at him. Dis shook her head, slightly worried by the unusual behaviour of her youngest. Usually he was first out of bed.

"No, I will get him," she said, hoping that he was still asleep. There had been a strain of sickness going around, though it was nothing to be concerned by. Still, it could make life quite miserable for those who caught it.

"Kili?" she asked tentatively as she opened the door to her sons' room, Fili hovering at her heels.

"Momma," a small, pitiful voice cried back. To Dis' relief her son sounded more scared and miserable than sick.

"What is it, my Little One?" she asked, "And why are you still in bed at this hour?" Kili looked up at her with swimming eyes.

"I couldn't sleep," he replied in the small voice he used when he was upset, "Cause I heard yours and uncle's voices arguing and then I got scared cause I reme-re-remem…" The small dwarfling struggled with the long word.

"He remembered the dream he had about uncle leaving," Fili said, swooping in to save the day and his brother. Dis was not surprised the blonde knew. Kili told him _everything_. "And then it took ages to get him to sleep again and by then it was only a few hours until dawn, and I thought it was best to let him sleep in a while," Fili finished, summing up their little story. He sounded as if though they were still possibly the cause of their mother's anger.

Dis closed her eyes for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. Kili was not sick, just tired, but the reason why was disturbing. The fact that they had both clearly heard the argument she had had with Thorin upset her in a way she could not describe. Sitting down on the bed next to Kili, she gestured for her other son to join her.

"What did you hear?" she asked, her mind suddenly clearing as to why Fili had asked if she was angry at their uncle. Neither of the boys met her eyes.

"We didn't hear the words, but we heard the tone," Fili admitted, spokesperson for the both of them. Dis sighed, trying to put on a smooth face.

"It was nothing," she reinformed the blonde, "Just a silly little argument. Your uncle refused to do something and I merely pointed out that he was wrong in doing so." She looked at her youngest, thoughts floating towards the episode that had occurred last night and her anger relighting. "Now help your brother get dressed, Fili, and then you can both attend to your chores."

She winced at the tightness of her voice but could not help it. Not only was her brother a stubborn fool, he had also been the cause of her two sons to wake in the middle of the night to them arguing, just like they had woken all those years ago to hear Thror and Thrain arguing heatedly about Erebor. And just like the two of them plus Frerin had been affected, so to had her children. However calm Fili appeared, he did not fool her, and Kili could not hide his tearstained face from her eagle eyed sight.

Exiting the room and closing the door mostly behind her, Dis returned to her place by the bench in the kitchen. Holding her breath for the count of ten, she placed both palms against the counter and straightened both arms, leaning all her weight into the two limbs. She remembered those nights well, the nights where none of them had gotten any sleep of hearing the two oldest members of their family arguing. It had grown worse right before the battle of Moria where they had lost both their king and grandfather, Thror, their brother, Frerin, and in extension, their father Thrain. On those nights, Dis had been woken and, still not a fully grown adult dwarf, had been deeply upset by the words they could hear; they all had been.

The princess of Durin closed her eyes as she remembered first Frerin trying to comfort her, but being too scared to do so properly. Thorin had then entered the room, eyes deeply troubled and arms spread wide to allow accommodation for both his distressed siblings. They had sat there for the rest of the night, close together and refusing to relinquish their holds on one another. It had been right before the battle of Moria, and the last time all three had been together in such a way. Dis herself had never felt Thorin hug her afterwards, at least not in the strong, centred, brotherly hug she had come to know and love. Rarely did he ever hold his nephews in the same way, especially now. And now she missed that side of him more and more with each passing day as the world around her tried to swallow her up in all its cruelty and despair, when she needed the kind, caring, considerate side of him the most. Yet most of the time he was not even there for Fili and Kili, two young boys now without a father to guide them through life.

Thorin… If he came to hurt her children through neglecting and abandoning them, intentional or not she would have his head.

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***Gets down on knees* Review. Please. I beg of you. **


	7. The dawning of day

******Here you go. I will try to update as fast as possible. Thanks to all the people who reviewed last chapter. (This chapter title may not fit the chapter but don't judge).**

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**Chapter 7: The dawning of day**

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Dis' face was the first thing Thorin saw as he walked through the door that night, and her words were the first thing he heard.

"They heard us arguing last night," Dis informed her brother. She could tell by his face that there was no need to explain who 'they' were. The paper in her hand rumpled, making a loud noise as she changed position on the chair she occupied. Thorin was too shocked too notice though. Seeing this shock, strangely enough, helped to abate what was left of Dis' anger towards the dwarf in front of her.

"They heard?" her brother asked in what was a cross between bewilderment and an expression of what Dis thought was akin to regret. She nodded her head, her grave face giving away the gravity of the situation.

"And now Kili thinks you are going to leave us again. In fact," she added as a short pause in which to gather her thoughts, "I would not doubt it if Fili felt the same. And for all I know, that fear may have developed some time ago, months in fact." She might have sounded as if though she were merely informing her brother, but in actual fact she was accusing him and the dark haired dwarf knew it.

"If I remember correctly, you were the one to start the argument," he said coldly, his anger from the past night resurfacing, "And it is hardly my fault that I must go out and provide everything as well as complete every small task just because you are too afraid to leave the house." The blow was low, but it was true. And, for Dis, that was the reason why it hurt all the more.

"For good reason," she shot back, her tone display a perfect example of defensiveness, and the list of names becoming slightly crumpled in her now tightly clenched hand. Thorin sneered at her, in no mood to deal with the fears of his little sister nor the slights she held against him when he so tirelessly worked to ensure that their family and his people did not fall victim to extreme poverty.

"Yet that reason is stopping you from providing for Fili and Kili yourself," he scoffed, "What would Rhorin think of that I wonder?" Dis bristled with fury, her voice rising higher in volume, the reason why she had started this confrontation lost in the anger that had bloomed at Thorin's words.

"Rhorin would understand," she shot back, not about to be bullied by her older brother. Thorin smiled sarcastically at her.

"Oh yes, and he would be pleased to see that you have let almost all the work needed to run this family fall upon me," he said. Dis' frown deepened.

"You are the man of this household now. It is your job to provide for your family!" she all but screamed at him in a voice that stirred a deep emotion in others present.

"And if I didn't?" The question was asked in a voice that, while heavy in anger, was laced with a quiet fear of what his sister would reply back. Dis was too far gone, however, to pick up on this small detail.

"And I'm sure _that_ would please Rhorin immensely," she spat at him.

Tensely she waited for her brother's reply, and it was coming too until his eyes widened as he looked over her head.

"Mahal…" she heard him breathe through the rushing blood in her ears. The dwarfish woman turned and felt her blood run cold.

"Durin, no," she whispered, reaching out a hand towards her two sons, both of whom were standing there petrified and in shock, tears streaming down in an endless torrent on both their faces. It shattered her heart when Fili darted back, dragging his younger brother with him, as if her single action had burned them both. "Fili, Kili, I'm sorry," she said, her face a perfect picture of despair. The blonde shook his head, gaze darting between his mother and uncle as the brunette in his arms cowered into his side

"Stay away," he said in a small, yet strong voice, which wavered with an intense fear. His words could barely be heard of his brother's sobbing.

"Fili, I-" But her words were cut short as the youth flew through the open door, Kili's hand still grasped in his own. They had both disappeared well into the night before either adult could react. Thorin immediately went straight for the door, sweeping up the cloak he had discarded only moments before.

"Stay here, I will search for them," he told his distressed sister, and then he was gone into the darkness that had claimed her two sons. Dis suddenly found herself very alone. And alone, there was nothing to keep past memories at bay.

_A little girl, Dis cried as she listened to her father and older brother argue. Thorin was away with his long-time friend, Dwalin, hunting and Balin, the tall dwarf's brother, was not here to input his logical thinking into the heated debate. Her grandfather was off, somewhere in the treasury presumably counting his fortune. There was only her who could stop the two insulting one another, yet neither Frerin nor Thrain would listen to her, a little girl. How she longed that Thorin was here to stop all this._

_The words exchanged grew worse and Dis found herself fleeing down the vast corridors of Erebor. Blinded by tears, she had not looked where she was going and had ran smack into the legs of a dwarf taller and more balanced than herself. Landing on her rear she looked up to see the smiling face of her eldest brother quickly turn to a frown. _

_"What is wrong, my little princess?" he asked, using the name that only he called her. Dis had wailed out her story about their brother and father. She had never remembered Thorin looking so angry save for a small handful of times bother before, but mainly after the taking of Erebor. He had left her in the care of Dwalin, who had been, at that time, somewhat awkward with small children, and had stormed off. Later she learnt that he had chastised both Thrain and Frerin for arguing like that in earshot of her. The incident had never happened again, at least not between the two of them._

Sinking back into the chair, Dis let the document she had been studying previously drift to the floor as she rested her head in her hands.

"What have I done?" she asked herself, guilt, worry, and regret all battling to take control of her mind. She let them, knowing she deserved no less, possibly even worse for her behaviour in front of her two sons, neither of whom were old enough to bear the sight and words of their two guardians arguing like she and Thorin had been. And the fact that both adults had dragged their father into the argument too would have been too much for either of them.

Frankly, Dis would not be surprised if Fili, at least, never wanted to see her again, let alone speak to her. Kili might be more willing to forgive as he was younger and had merely been frightened, not fully understanding what she and Thorin had been saying to each other.

It was a time before her brother returned, and when he did, she looked up at him in anticipation Even before he shook his head she knew, a cold wave of fear settling over her person, the colours of the lightening sky behind him seeping into the small room but offering no comfort.

"My boys," she said brokenly, the tears of distress she had managed to abate before starting up again. Thorin hover in the doorway looking as if he wanted to go back out again. In the end, with a glance at his sister, he made up his mind.

"You must get some rest," he told her, voice steady, but eyes and face displaying his distress for what had happened, "They cannot have gone far. And besides, there are not many men who would willingly hurt them. They should be safe. Fili is a smart lad." Dis tried to take comfort in her brother's word but was unable to and as he moved to leave again she cried out to him.

"Don't leave me alone," she all but wailed. Thorin turned back to her and crossed the room in two steps, sweeping her up in his arms.

"I must look for them, sister," he said, "But I will return as soon as I can, when I find them."

He gave her another quick, reassuring squeeze and then left, leaving Dis alone once again as the dawn outside teased her with its happy, hopeful colours.

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**Before you chew me out by saying the boys are too young, in my head in this story, Fili is around the age of a ten-twelve year old. Kili is around five-seven (probably five). If you think otherwise, please PM or review me. I'd be happy to hear so long as there are no flames.**

**Also, the tension between Thorin and Dis is not over, but it has died down for now. **

**The more reviews I receive, the faster I will update.**


	8. Truth will exhume

******Bad chapter title but oh well. Enjoy. **

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**Chapter 8: Truth will exhume**

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If there was ever a moment in life where she had felt like kissing Dwalin it was now. The brilliant warrior stood in her doorway, a frown etched upon his harsh and foreboding face, a small blonde at his feet and an even smaller brunette in his arms. The tall dwarf opened his mouth to speak.

"Fili and Kili ran to mine and Balin's house last night," he informed her, his tone gruff, but anger contained for now, "The younger one scared out of his mind and in tears, his brother trying to comfort him without much success."

Dis knew where this was going and knew that she deserved no less from Dwalin, especially since he had been disturbed from his sleep because of her actions. She simply clasped her hands in front of her and waited to hear more, her remorseful and relieved expression drawing no sympathy from the angry dwarf.

"Took me ages to calm them down and get them to tell me what happened," he growled, "And what was worse was the fact that Balin was not there to wield his power over your children." Dis went to say something, but he cut her off. "Now I think it would be best if I got them to bed. Neither slept a wink last night. Which way is their room?"

"This way," Fili said from below him. Dwalin shot a smile in his direction.

"Here, take your brother and then get some sleep. I need to talk to your mother about a few…things."

Fili nodded at the warrior's words and took the reluctant, sleepy lad from Dwalin's arms and led him away without a backwards glance, Kili stumbling along behind his brother.

"Now," Dwalin said as he straightened, his voice still calm, but seething with anger, "Where is Thorin?"

"I do not know. He went searching for Kili and Fili," Dis replied, still standing as if waiting for an invitation to sit down in her own house. Dwalin looked at her and sighed.

"Might as well sit," he said, his tone and face weary from the long night. There was an awkward pause between the two as Dwalin's fury battled with him just wanting to get out of there, and Dis not knowing what to say. Eventually, though, she decided upon something.

"Thank you for looking after my boys," she said timidly. Dwalin just sighed again and continued to twiddle with one of his knives.

The pair sat there for a time with no communication as they waited for Dis' brother to return from what would be a futile waste of his energy.

_At least he is having the day off from work_, Dis mused. He needed to take more days off more often. She could help with the paperwork if it was required of her.

Eyes flitting around the place, Dis caught sight of a stack of untidy papers. Discontent with just sitting there, Dwalin picking at his fingernails with his knife, she stood and moved over to sort them. They were the same ones from several nights ago and as she stared at them, Dis felt curiosity pike her heart.

The dwarfish woman began to tidy up the stack, sorting each sheet of parchment into piles. There were legal documents, lists of marriages and deaths, and other such things one would find on the desk of a king. But there were also drawings; sketches both completed and obviously discarded. Dis sifted through each one, in awe of her brother's skill.

There were outlines of hazy figures smudged beyond recognition, and trees that looked both gnarled and twisted. There were flowers shaded all colours of grey, singing birds and buzzing bees, and even one of the old dwarf opposite them sitting back in a chair, eyes closed and snoring. And then there were dozens of her boys. Playing, wrestling, beaming, crying; Thorin had caught all sides of their personality. One of Kili trailing behind his brother on unsteady legs made her crinkle her eyes in amusement of the memory. The youngster had just learnt to walk and had taken to following Fili everywhere. This particular drawing drew her attention to a sly gleam in Fili's eyes and she crinkled her eyes again, remembering how, on the day Thorin had gotten the idea to draw this, Fili had informed his brother that Thorin was even more fun to follow around. He had made a game out of it, causing both of them to be underfoot and Thorin to face-plant into the floorboards as he opened the door to greet both Balin and Dwalin. She caught her breath as she gazed at the one underneath.

It was obviously the newest sketch, only half done but still beautiful to behold. It was of a dwarfish woman, regal and proud, staring off into the distance as though something had grabbed her attention. Her hair was impeccably braided and, if she had guessed right, would have probably been jet black. Her eyes were filled with an out-of-place sorrow in a beautiful, regal face lined with the same misery that masked the woman's eyes. With a jolt, Dis realised she was looking at herself.

Placing the half-finished drawing back down, she glanced up to find Dwalin staring at her. He then looked towards the door through which they could see Thorin trudging despondently up the trail to the house. Dwalin stood to receive him and received an almost desperate look in return.

"Have you seen-" he began, his worry clearly evident on his face. Dwalin nodded.

"Safe and in bed." He gestured towards their room. "Came to me last night in a right state." Thorin looked almost thunderous at this.

"You said you hadn't seen them!" he said. Dwalin held up his hands to hold back the storm that was his leader's anger.

"It was true at the time," he explained, "And they turned up a short while after you left. I was going to go after you," he said, seeing the look that now graced both adult's faces, "But the young one was crying and his brother was not far from it. I thought it was best if they had told me what happened." His tone grew dark again. "Fili explained your fight, and when I offered to take him and Kili back here, said he didn't want to see you. Kili was too scared to say anything." He glowered at them from his taller height.

"We did not know they were there," Dis said softly, knowing that it was a weak argument in any case.

"Did not know?" Dwalin asked coolly, his voice never raising above its normal volume, "Didn't know that a shouting match would attract little children?" Both siblings winced at this. "All I can tell you," Dwalin breathed, "Was that after Fili said he did not want to come back, I was in agreement with him. That is why I let them stay the night without telling you. Had you been any other dwarves, I would have also left them in Balin's care until you sorted out your differences or I knocked some sense into you both. Next time I will."

He nodded curtly to both dwarves after a moment's pause and retreated back to the door, ready to leave. Thorin ambled away to put up his cloak and as he done so, Dis saw Dwalin hesitate, then beckon to her. She pulled up close, wondering what he might say.

"Yes?" she asked tentatively. Dwalin looked in the direction that Thorin had gone and then back at her.

"It's about Thorin," he said softly.

"Yes?" she asked again with more apprehension.

"I would keep an eye on him."

"Why?" Dis questioned, bewildered. Dwalin frowned slightly, as if he were thinking hard.

"Balin is worried about him, and so am I. We know you are too."

That much was true, Dis reflected, though she hadn't known that both Balin and Dwalin were equally concerned.

"Why?" she asked, fear washing through her, "What's wrong?" Dwalin grimaced, not seeming comfortable about the topic.

"Just keep an eye on him. You never know what might happen."

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**Hello. Please review. **


	9. Trust and fear

******Okay, not the best chapter, but in any case, enjoy. Sorry for the longer update than usual, but I had a small case of writer's block. Next chapter should be quicker and better though - should contain some Durin fluff.**

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**Chapter 9: Trust and fear**

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Sitting down at the table, Dis began to twiddle her thumbs, thinking. It was early in the morning, not yet dawn, but close to it. She had not been able to sleep, the shock from what had occurred the night before still etched painfully deep into her soul.

Both she and Thorin had apologised to the boys once they had woken, which had been late in the afternoon. Thankfully, they had accepted them, both showing no signs of bearing a grudge. Dis didn't think she would be able to live with herself if her two little rays of light came to hate her. Fili and Kili meant too much to the somewhat broken woman. Never the less, the apology had not meant that the bitterness between her and her brother had gone completely away, though she would be wrong if she did not say that it had abated somewhat.

Dis also thought back to what Dwalin had said as he had been departing. She knew that Thorin was acting strangely, sometimes worryingly so, yet she could not keep a tab on him all the time. And besides, even if he was dwelling on a not so healthy topic, Thorin would not stoop to an alarmingly low rate. He was too proud to do so, and, in effect, it was one of the reasons why Dis was glad he was so proud. Whatever its drawbacks might be, at least it made those it affected turn their nose up at such drastic behaviours. But still, Dis could not help but worry.

"Can't sleep?" a deep voice asked her. Dis jumped before turning on her brother.

"What have I told you about sneaking up on me like that?" she scolded. Thorin raised his eyebrows.

"And what have I told you about staying up instead of sleeping?" he answered. She met his stare with a withering one.

"That was years ago, Thorin, it doesn't count. I am not a child anymore," Dis defended. Thorin looked at her for a moment before rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Let's not fight anymore, at least for now. Can we not just sit and talk?"

"I'm not the one that starts these things," Dis said, brow furrowing slightly. Thorin pulled out a chair and sat down.

"Fighting," he said, nodding his head subtly towards the way he had come. Dis felt any fire in her leave in an instant. She would not have her children wake to that again.

"Very well then," she relented, "What shall we talk about?" Thorin shrugged in response.

"Anything," he answered, being his usual, non-contributive self. Dis rooted around in her mind for a non-argument-inducing conversational starter.

"Remember when we were children," she started, her mind suddenly remembering a time that had sent a warm feeling flooding through her.

"Mmm," Thorin acknowledged, contributing to the conversation half-heartedly.

"I was about as old as Fili is now," she continued, staring into the distance and smiling slightly at the memory, "You and Frerin were off with father to greet some of the dwarfish lords who had come to visit." Thorin stared at her with some interest, recalling the day himself.

"Yes, I remember well. Father had us both dressed up in so much of the 'regal clothing fitting for the heirs of Durin' that we could barely move. Frerin was especially fidgety and bad tempered; he never liked all the formalities we had to go through, and each of the old lords insisted on following every formality to the T."

Dis stifled a bubble of laughter welling up inside of her as she remembered Thorin's face when Thrain had told him what was expected of him and his brother. She had been thankful that, as a female and deemed too young, she did not need to attend. Her brothers, however, had been quite resentful of the fact, Frerin especially.

"Well, the two of you might of hated me at the time, but you both were practically falling over your feet to thank and congratulate me afterwards," she said after several moments of not so quiet reflection. Thorin snorted.

"I have never fallen over my own feet in my life," he said, defending his dignity in good humour.

"Well, you did that day," Dis informed him. She visualised it all in her head as she said this; a child version of herself stumbling into the room and demanding that one of her two big brothers kill the ferocious monster in her chamber. She had done it with such a dramatic air that Thrain had been forced to let both his sons go in order to get her to calm down and go away. Once out of the room, it had then been proved a ploy that she had made to get them to come and play with her, thus saving them from several more long hours filled with tedious formalities.

The brother and sister stayed silent for a while, reliving old memories of supposed innocence and unyielding delight. In that small fraction of time, Dis realised that there had been so many adventures she had been on in her youth with both her brothers by her side; from scaling the highest area of the city, to sneaking down into the mines. There had been tears, blood, and no end of injured egos and scraped knees and elbows; they had nearly driven their father to insanity, and their grandfather too, before the elder had scummed to the sickness that had seen the end of Erebor.

The dwarfish woman sighed as more bitter memories came to light, ones involving the loss of certain members of her family. There were only four of them left now, for Thorin would not marry, nor could she remarry. And until such time where her sons could help bring into the world their own children, she had no one else.

"It seems family grows all the more dearer to you the more tragedy you all go through," she said as a passing remark. Thorin grunted, caught up in his own thoughts, a small frown now creasing his brow. Dis knew the look; knew it to be the same one he wore when dwelling on matters he could not change. She was about to speak when Thorin beat her to it.

"Tomorrow, I think I will take the day and spend some time around the house doing a few small jobs that need to be done," he informed her. Dis sat, startled as she tried to find his reasoning behind such a notion, not that she was against it. She had been saying for a while that he needed a few days away from the forges.

"That's great!" she said, still trying to reign in her disbelief. Thorin nodded absently.

"Dwalin and Balin should be able to handle things there, and I can make it up to the boys for last night," he continued, staring into the nothingness behind her. Dis suddenly found herself with a revelation about the reasons behind his objective as the last words left his lips.

He had almost lost Fili and Kili last night, and it had been due to his own mistakes as well. Still so soon after Rhorin's death, and with the little family he had left, it was no wonder why he suddenly had the urge to spend time with the few kin he had left.

Looking at her brother with new eyes, she remembered that he had not slept at all last night, and she would not be surprised if he had not slept this night either. It would explain why he had been up and about so early on. There were dark shadows forming under her brother's eyes, only serving to reiterate the point. Still, she could hardly tell him to sleep when she herself was having so much trouble.

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**Yeah, if you could review, I would be grateful. **


	10. Easily come by

******First up, sorry for the long update. But between school and, well, school, I haven't had much time to write. Secondly, the Durin fluff I promised last chapter flew out the window - this chapter turned out to be completely different to what it was originally going to be (for better or for worse I don't know - but I might just agree with worse...). Anyway, enjoy. And the NEXT chapter will be faster. I swear on my laptop. **

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**Chapter 10: Easily come by**

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The next few days were on and off for Dis' feelings towards her brother. He had gotten some sleep, though not a lot of it, and each time he seemed to be plagued by some sort of nightmare. The less sleep he got, the more irritated or withdrawn he would become and sometimes it was all Dis could do to keep herself from hitting him over the head with her metal pot or worse. And he never talked about the dreams either, never even acknowledged he was having them, which was both frustrating and concerning in itself.

He did keep his promise, however, and had taken a day off work to spend with Fili and Kili. They had loved that, their joy in being outside mingled with their joy of the fact it was their uncle who was with them. And once Fili and Kili were smiling, it was hard not to smile yourself meaning both Thorin and Dis had gone to bed with giant grins plastered across their faces. That particular day had been a good one; there had been no arguing or frustrations of any sort, the three males even managing to coax Dis out of the house for a short while.

A sharp rap on the door drew the dwarfish woman out of her brooding thoughts, and, placing down the broom she had been holding motionless in her hands for a time, Dis went to see who had decided to stop by.

"Oin!" she exclaimed in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

The white bearded dwarf shifted somewhat awkwardly on her doorstep, the small bundle in his arms moved slightly and emitting a soft cry. Dis was taken aback.

"Is that a-?" she began. Oin nodded.

"Aye, his mother passed in the birthing and his father died about halfway during the pregnancy from a mining accident," the healer informed her.

"Can you not take the babe?" Dis asked, not wanting to have another child placed under her care, not when she still felt the loss of her own husband and was wrapped up in concern for her brother. Oin shook his head solemnly.

"I would if I could, but he needs a mother's attention, and I am run off my feet as it is. The strain of sickness may be fading, but it has not yet completely gone. Besides, here the child will have less of a risk in catching the sickness," Oin said.

Dis sighed, looking once more at the infant asleep in the healer's arms. The babe was tiny, even smaller than her Kili had been when he had been born.

"Why me?" she asked, still not entirely convinced.

"Because you have been a good mother so far, and there are no current women with a child as young as him," Oin said, sounding as if he had been expecting the question, "And, as I said before, I do not want him catching sickness, and your house is far enough away from the worst of it that he should be relatively safe. I fear if he does catch it he will not be able to fight it off, as harmless as it is to most." His expression was so persuasive and kind, and Oin had helped her family many times in the past without complaint, that Dis could refuse him no longer.

"But it is not a permanent solution," she warned, "I will look after him temporarily for the time being, but I already have two children I have to care for. I suggest you find a new home for the child as soon as possible."

"As I will," the half deaf dwarf said, nodding in understanding as he transferred the bundle in his arms to hers.

The two stood there for a time, in silence, before a sudden thought struck Dis.

"Does the child have a name?" she asked only to have Oin shake his head.

"No. The mother passed before she could hold the babe, let alone name him," the healer informed her regretfully.

Dis felt pity prick her heart. How horrible to leave this world into the halls of Mahal before you even got a chance to name your newborn. The dwarfish woman was glad that both her sons' births had gone as well as they could have, with only minor difficulties in both cases, and everyone concern at Kili's birth.

"Well, I wish you luck then," she heard Oin begin, and the princess of Durin zoomed her attention in on the dwarf opposite her, "And I thank you for taking in the child. I will be back early tomorrow to check up on him unless a more pressing matter presents itself to me. The child is not strong, and I would suggest you or Thorin keeping and eye on him during the night in case anything goes wrong."

With that, the village healer left her standing in the open doorway, a tiny life force wrapped in a blanket cradled by her arms. Dis drifted inside, noticing for the first time the unusually cold chill of the late morning air, closing the door firmly behind her.

"What's that?" she heard a small voice ask. Dis smiled gently down at her son.

"It is a newborn babe, Fili, a boy," she informed her eldest. The blonde looked up at her with an expression of confusion.

"So I have a new brother?" he questioned.

Dis shook her head as she made her way over to the kitchen. The child would be hungry and, if she remembered correctly, they still had some milk they could spare. She could feel her maternal instincts taking over, and it was concerning just how small the babe was, for he had seemed to have shrunk in her arms.

"No, Fili, he is not a new brother," she told the blonde child, "I am just looking after him for mister Oin until he can find the child a mother."

"Why does mister Oin need to find him a mother?"

It was just like children to always find another question to ask. Dis sighed, unsure of what to tell her son.

"He needs to find him a new mother, because his mother is not here to look after him." It was the best explanation she could come up with, without having to explain the details. But, as always, the inevitable happened.

"Why can't his mother look after him?"

"Where's your brother?" Dis asked, suddenly changing the topic. Fili pouted.

"Napping, meaning I have nothing to do," he answered, previous question completely forgotten. His mother could only thank the gods that children's attention spans did not last very long and were easy to divert.

"Well, why don't you go and play with your toys then?" Dis asked, focused on finding a suitable bottle for the babe to drink out of. Fili's pout deepened.

"Playing by myself is boring," he complained. Juggling a babe in one arm and a bottle of milk in the other, Dis had no way of dealing with the whinny child. It was lucky for her that Thorin stopped by, as he now usually did; Dis did not think it would last though.

Dis' brother did not even have a chance to set a foot inside the doorway before Fili was upon him.

"Uncle, Uncle, guess what! Mother has a new baby!"

Thorin's expression was a point of hilarity with Dis for it looked like it had passed well beyond either startled or shocked. She decided she had better explain before her brother got the wrong impression, if he hadn't already. So it was with a barely smothered laugh that she opened her mouth to speak.

"Oin asked me to look after him while he tried to find the child a new home," she said, clearing up the mess that Fili had made, "It is for the time being only. I am sure we will only have to wait a few days before Oin comes to fetch the babe."

Thorin slowly blinked as he absorbed this before he responded to his sister, scrutinising the child in her arms.

"Looks awfully small," he commented. Dis ' face fell.

"There were some difficulties in the birth."

"Ah," was all Thorin said, his face kept carefully clear of any emotion. They both knew what it could mean.

"Oin wants one of us to keep watch during the night."

"I'll do it," her brother instantly volunteered. Dis was in half a mind to contradict him, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent than before. But who was she to argue? She knew she needed sleep as much as he did, and that Thorin would not back down once his mind was made, being the stubborn dwarf that he was.

"Very well then," Dis said, before turning her attention to the hungry infant who had just began to cry.

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**Don't worry. The kid is not a prominent character - more so that I could write this chapter and get the plot line to where it needs to go. Will hopefully make more sense next chapter.**

**So what did you think? Good? Bad? Neither? Both? **


	11. With a tear

******This is a chapter. It is a bad chapter. I know it is a bad chapter. You do not have to tell me it is a bad chapter. But at least it is a chapter. And possibly a slightly faster update (would've updated yesterday but had to go somewhere at the last moment).**

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**Chapter 11: With a tear**

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That night, Dis had expected to sleep somewhat peacefully, even with the face of her lover haunting her dreams from time to time, and her two sons, the youngest especially, being on the receiving end of an odd nightmare or two. She had not expected to be woken by the child's crying, for Thorin was well equipped to dealing with such things on her own. Nor had she expected to be woken by her brother's low, but frantic calls for her.

"Dis!" she could hear the dark haired dwarf call out yet again as she dragged herself out of bed. Dis felt a sense of doom settle over her.

Walking into Thorin's room where they had agreed to keep the baby for the night, Dis winced, having forgotten just how loud a newborn's crying could be.

"How long has he been crying?" she asked, keenly aware that that was a very likely chance that the sound would wake her own two sleeping boys. The frown creasing Thorin's face deepened.

"For a while. I called you after I tried and failed to quieten him." Thorin's expression was somewhere between worry and exhaustion. He really needed to get some sleep.

"Pass him to me," Dis said, extending her arms to receive their charge. Upon on taking the wailing child, she exclaimed in surprise, "He's hot." Thorin nodded grimly.

"I noticed."

Dis bounced the child in her arms, debating what to do while she vainly tried to calm the child.

"If he's sick, it's no wonder he is crying," she said, simultaneously trying to cease the flow of tears. She descended onto her brother's unslept in bed, thinking, only to look up as Fili and Kili appeared in the doorway.

"We can't sleep," the eldest said, speaking up from where he stood.

"Why's the baby crying?" Kili asked at the same time. Thorin offered them both a reassuring smile, Dis being caught up with the dwarfling in her arm.

"He's crying because he feels a bit off," the dwarf said, moving to guide the youths to bed, "You should both go back to sleep."

"But we can't with his crying," Fili objected, fisting one of his eyes, supporting his half-awake brother all the while. Thorin swung them both up and into his arms, taking a few moments to balance the pair before starting off back to the boy's room.

"He'll stop soon," Dis heard her brother promise from somewhere down the hall, "You will just have to try and block out the sound in the meantime."

Returning her attention to the squealing babe cradled in her arms, the dwarfish woman frowned. He seemed to be running a fever, a high one at that. And it had also seem to come on suddenly. The boy had definitely been well enough when she had left him in Thorin's care to retire for bed.

The child's face appeared to be flushed, pasty white, but shaded with an unhealthy red. His eyes were watery, but were shut tight against the world, and Dis could see the beginnings of a crusty gunk sealing both eyelids shut. The child, for all appearances, seemed to have caught the sickness that he had been sent here to get away from. Not good.

"He's still crying?" Thorin asked in disbelief upon re-entering the room. Dis looked up at him, worry clouding her eyes.

"He's caught it, and a bad case too."

Thorin swore softly, mindful of his nephews in the next room.

"For a newborn, that's not good," he said finally. Dis stared at him.

"Fetch Oin," she said with all the authority of the Line of Durin and a mother, her worry lending her words strength, "And take Fili and Kili out of the house this instant. I will not have them falling sick as well." Her brother knew better than to argue, especially since the child's crying had escalated in volume due to what the siblings now guessed was pain, or, at the very least, discomfort.

It was not long before the front door slammed shut and Dis was once again left alone with the sickly, crying child.

She tried to sing to it several lullabies she sang to her own children, all the while dashing around the house in a vain attempt to cool the fever. Using a water-soaked cloth did nothing to help, and the dwarfish woman soon found the child's temperature rising steadily higher. She could feel the heat of his skin every time she took him up in her arms.

"What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" she muttered over and over again, hoping to the divine powers watching over them would send Thorin on his way back here soon with Oin in tow. As a mother and a female with what was sometimes an almost overbearing sense of maternal thoughts, Dis did not like to see any child in pain, let alone one as young as, well, a newborn.

There was no way he was going to survive this.

Looking down on the child, Dis could not help but be pessimistic. The boy had ceased crying, yet she knew it was only because the babe was struggling to breath. She could hear the boy's rasping breaths. It did not sound good. His health was just declining so fast.

_Must have picked it up from the place where he was born_, Dis decided, almost absolutely sure that the sickness had not been able to spread this far from the main centre of the village. And he would have had to caught it before Oin had brought him to her to look after. But this revelation did not provide a cure for the sickly dwarfling. And her attempts to cool him down were not working either.

The dwarfish woman watched in despair as the time wore on, the child's eyelids fluttering close with every second her brother and the village healer tarried. It seemed so wrong that one so young was just so… Looking down on the small face, Dis felt tears build up behind her eyes.

The door burst open and Thorin came bursting in, panting heavily with Oin trailing a little slower behind him. The healer immediately made his way over to the space where Dis sat, took one look at the child, and shook his head.

"I'm sorry," he began, "But there is nothing I can do, especially when it has gone so far in one so young. It is astounding really. I might have thought he would be at risk, but this is beyond anything I would have imagined." Dis swallowed hard upon hearing this.

"Surely there is something you can do," she said wistfully. Oin again shook his head, but splayed his arms out in an offer to take up the babe.

"It is probably for the best," the white bearded dwarf said, voicing the harsh truth of the matter, "With the difficulties with the labour and the increasingly cold winters we have been getting, I would not think he would survive the winter next year. Not with him so small and weak."

Dis bit her lip and turned her eyes to the heavens, hugging the limp form of the child closer to her chest. From near the doorway, Thorin let out a shuddering sigh.

"If there is truly nothing that can be done, then we will take it from here," the dark haired dwarf spoke up, gesturing for Oin to make his way back home, "We have no desire to keep you up any longer." His voice sounded sullen and resigned, as if he had seen too much of the same situation and was now only bearing it because it was his duty.

Oin took the hint, and with a nod and a curt farewell to both and a few soft, murmured words to the babe, he left, closing the door behind him. Dis remained seated, staying with the child as his heartbeat began to falter, and Thorin, in turn, stayed with Dis.

The two siblings remained stock still as the begun to grieve the loss of the child, knowing there was nothing they could do to stop his passing or to ease it. A small while later the child let out a loud, gasping breath, but did not draw one back in. He was gone, and suddenly the world seemed a lot smaller and darker.

"Why?" was all Dis let out before completely breaking down in her brother's arms. And the sturdy dwarf too cried for the loss, allowing a shimmering tear to track down his face and fall unnoticed in the mess of his sister's hair.

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**Gees, I'm such a bad writer sometimes. In my defence, before you rant at me for killing off the kid, there was a reason behind that. I introduced him knowing he was going to die. Just didn't know it would be as bad as this.**

**Review if you believe there is anything worth reviewing here. Next chapter will definitely be better.**


	12. To question why

******Terribly sorry for the long update, but I have been as busy as hell, so... This chapter is half bad, half alright. But it is here. Also, this will be ending soon - four more chapters and then it's done. So I'll try to update quicker.**

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**Chapter 12: To question why**

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Dis was reclusive the next few days, essentially refusing to speak to anyone, refusing to continue on with life as normal. But she had to, for it was her duty to be the faithful sister, faithful mother and carry on. So she did, as best as she could with the death of the babe still hanging heavily on her mind.

Fili and Kili suffered in silence, unknowing to what had finally befallen the baby that had been taken into their home and neither fully understanding what had caused the gloomy mood of the two prominent adults in their lives, for Thorin's spirits too had been somewhat dampened by the loss. It seemed to weigh on him more than his sister and it showed.

It was several mornings after the fatal night and Thorin, as usual, had retreated to the forges in an attempt to escape the overwhelming memory of the unmoving body as pale as death itself. Dis, as usual, remained in the house, though she mostly sat upon the chair in front of the fireplace, crying on the inside for the loss. There was nothing better she could think of to do, for she had finished all the housework the previous day, having been trying to busy herself so she did not have the time to focus on the loss.

Dis sighed and closed her eyes, trying to ward off the images that were continually flooding her mind. A crash in the next room over caused her eyes to fly opened.

"Fili, Kili, what are you doing?" she cried as she burst through the interconnecting doorway to the room where her two sons were stationed.

The two boys were standing somewhat sheepishly in front of a stack of overturned wooden dishes on the floor. Kili was standing behind his brother, clutching onto the blonde's tunic as the elder fiddled with his hands nervously.

"Who knocked them over?" the dwarfish woman asked with a resigned voice, not really wanting to deal with anything at the moment. Kili peered out from behind his brother.

"Me," he said timidly. Fili opened his mouth straight after to explain.

"We were chasing each other around, and Kili ran into the table. The dished were placed close to the edge, and we didn't mean to knock them off, mother," he said worriedly, not wanting to incur Dis' wrath upon them. Dis just glanced wearily down at them.

"What's done is done," she said in a lethargic voice, "Just be more careful."

The widow felt guilty; she really needed to take her boys outdoors so they could run around properly and burn off their high amounts of energy, but she was just too wrapped up in her grief to actually do so.

Dis slowly picked up the dishes strewn across the floor, a small wave of relief flooding through her when she found none were broken. Fili and Kili helped her, their tiny hands placing cups and bowls into her own larger ones. She could not imagine losing them, a life without them, yet she was constantly seeing her two precious children in the place of the nameless babe that had died in her hands, hands which were now brushed by her eldest as he hesitantly passed over a plate, a question clearly on the tip of his tongue.

"What is it?" she asked, seeing the thoughtful look on his face. Kili hovered by his brother's side.

"What happened to the baby?" the older dwarfling asked his mother directly, his small blue eyes taking in his mother's expression, "Because all you and uncle have said is that he left, and neither of you will talk about it, yet you are both acting very sad." The youth's analysis was far from wrong.

Dis sat crossed-legged on the floor, placing her head in her hands as she tried to think of what to tell her sons. Of how she could inform them about yet another death that had occurred in their lives. But, as it turned out, she did not have the need to find the right words for at least one had already guessed.

"He's gone, isn't he, to where father is," Fili said, "You wouldn't be so sad otherwise." It never ceased to amaze her how bright the boy could be, how bright both of them could be when the occasion called for it.

"Aye child," she answered, "He has parted from this world."

Fili looked at his boots, Kili bitting his thumb as he watched the exchange between his brother and mother.

"Why?" the blonde asked, "He was just a baby."

Dis sighed.

"Because that is the way of the world," she replied, taking up both her boys into her arms after a moment's consideration, "He got sick and couldn't get better."

"Then the world is a cruel place."

"Yes," Dis said heavily, "It is indeed a cruel place." And it was, taking young and old alike, widowing wives and orphaning children. Whether it be through war or sickness or just pure coincidences, the consequences were always the same. There was always someone who was left behind that would be hurting.

The dwarfish woman held her two children close, the trio still situated on the floor amongst the last few overturned dishes that had not yet been recovered. The air was thick with a sorrowful theme, grief, regret and sadness all mingled together as one. She would not lose her two sons, Dis resolved, never in a million years no matter what life threw at her or them. And if she could not protect them, then Thorin would. She knew that much as she looked down onto their innocent faces.

"Why?" a small voice asked after a while. Dis looked her youngest in the eye.

"What do you mean?" she questioned, confused as to the brunette's line of thought.

"Why is the world cruel?"

Dis closed her eyes, at a loss for what to say. Such was the nature of children, always questioning, always seeking answers that she didn't want to give. But she wouldn't have it any other way, because it was one of the things that made children so innocent in the world, that made them precious.

"When you grow up," she said, speaking to both of them as they looked up at her with wide eyes, "You will find there are many things in life that will cause you sorrow and grief." She paused for a breath. "You will find, as the years pass, that there will be many more deaths in your life, many that you will think you could have prevented but could not. And there is no shame in crying over these situations."

"But why does it have to be like that?" Kili whined, his childish naivety showing through. Dis smiled sadly.

"Because it does, little one," she answered softly, running one hand over the back of his head, not having a real answer, "Because it does."

Both boys snuggled against her, Dis pulling them further into their place as they did so.

"You won't go will you, mother?" she heard her eldest asked.

"Not as long as you both don't leave me first," the widow replied, knowing immediately what Fili was referring to.

"We won't leave you," they both promised, and it both warmed and nearly broke Dis' heart at their childish assuredness. There was no way they could know that they would not go before her.

Again the slack and pale face of the baby materialised in front of her eyes. Closing them, Dis just held her children all the more tighter.

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**Review please.**


	13. How can you tell

******Three more chapters to go and then this ends (finally). This chapter may not be good, but here you go. Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 13: How can you tell**

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Dis had stayed in the same position on the floor with her two boys until well after they had fallen asleep, right up until Thorin had returned home, refusing to let them go for fear they would disappear. She had never realised how fragile life really was until a couple of nights ago.

"Need help getting them off to bed?" the dwarfish woman heard her brother ask. Dis glanced down at the children's peaceful faces and nodded, allowing the older dwarf to pull Fili from her lap, cradling the blonde carefully in his arms so as not to wake him.

"You'll look after them, won't you?" Dis suddenly asked, still staring down at her youngest. Thorin regarded her and his two nephew's for a moment before replying.

"I swear on my life," he said, "You know I will always take care of them when they need it."

"I just couldn't bare it if I lost them," Dis continued, "Not after Rhorin, and certainly not after the-" She broke down in relatively silent tears.

"Let us put the lads to be and then we can discuss this matter more deeply," Thorin stated, making to lift Kili from his sister's lap as well. Dis shook her head.

"I can do it," she said, accepting the hand that he now offered to help her up, being sure not to let her brown haired child fall.

The pair entered their quarries' shared room and begun to prepare the youths for bed. Dis redressed her own charge in his sleeping clothes and laid Kili on the bed, after which Fili soon followed, both still sound asleep. Or at least they had been before their mother and uncle had moved to the door.

"W…what?" Fili said, half lifting his upper body as he fisted his eyes, disorientated as to how he had gotten from being on the floor in his mother's arms to his bed.

"You fell asleep, dear," Dis supplied, smiling. Fili blinked back up at her and then settled back down into the blankets.

"Oh," he murmured, shifting to allow his now awake brother to shuffle closer to him.

"Momma still sad?" the brunette asked in a dreary voice, brown eyes blinking owlishly up at the faces above him.

"Only a little now," Dis answered, allowing a small smile to grace her lips, "You helped to cheer momma up."

"It is time for you both to go back to sleep," Thorin interjected softly. As if on cue, both Fili and Kili yawned in unison.

"Can you sing us to sleep, uncle?" the blonde asked, his brown haired brother looking hopefully up at the older dwarf through half closed eyes. Dis fervently hoped the exiled king would agree for it had been ages since he had last sung the pair to sleep. To her relief and surprise, Thorin let loose a small chortle and sank down next to her sons, the bed creaking slightly as he did so.

"What would you like me to sing to you about?" he asked, his eyes glinting in the dimly lit room.

"Something happy," Kili mumbled, his eyelids now drooping considerably further down than before.

"An adventure," Fili said about as enthusiastically as he could muster while being dead tired, speaking at the same time as his brother. Thorin took a moment to think.

"How about a song about a journey to win back the Lonely Mountain," he said after a while. Ear-splitting grins shone on both boys' faces as they nodded energetically. Dis was not, however, so happy about the choice, for it may be just a story to her boys, but it was in every case real to her. And in a way, she was further saddened by the fact that it was just a story to her sons.

"Goodnight," she said, kissing both Fili and Kili lightly on the head before retreating from the room and the song. Once outside, she allowed her face to fall.

"Far over the misty mountain rise,

Leave us standing upon the heights,

What was before, we see once more,

Our kingdom a distant light…"

Her brother's deep voice rolled through the closed door, only slightly muffled as he sung in a tone that sounded wistful, just as she was feeling. Dis leaned against the wall, both completely mesmerised and longing to flee. Here was yet another reminder of how life could have been much different, how there could have been - and the life that her children could have had.

"Dragon!" she remembered hearing her brother yell on the day which had stripped her and her family of everything save their people and their status amongst them. Many lives had been lost both in the attack and the years that had followed, all of which could have been saved if Smaug had not come and if, being truly honest, Thror had not been so obsessed with gold.

"Fiery mountain beneath the moon,

Words unspoken, we'll be there soon…"

It was all just wishful thinking, something that would take years to achieve, if someone ever worked up the guts to go. Dis knew very well that her brother would one day set out just as their father had, but she was quietly confident for now that he would not abandon her, not with Fili and Kili as young as they were. Still, she was afraid that when the time came, her brother would not return just as Thrain had not. And it scared her to know that one day she might very well be left alone.

"Haven't seen the back of us yet,

We'll fight as long as we live…"

As long as they lived. As of late, it had not been very long. Children, she reflected, were dying at younger and younger ages, and even adults were passing into the halls of Mahal every day for trivial reasons that would not have existed back in the once great city of Erebor.

The faces of Rhorin and the nameless child floated past as her brother continued to sing, as did many more she had barely met or had grown to know and love. Never before had she felt so homesick and she felt the sudden urge to curl up in the embrace of her husband, either of her brothers, or even her father, someone who could just hold her. But three of those four were gone and the remaining one had grown distant, too caught up in his own issues to handle that of his younger siblings.

A thin trickle of tears began to run down her face as her misery over the past few days, the grief she still held for her husband that had developed months and months ago, and the hopelessness she felt about her whole situation in general and the situation of those around her. Thorin, oblivious to this in the other room, sang on and on, his voice never wavering or dying down even after Dis was sure both her sons were asleep. Yet there was that wistful, longing air hidden in each of the words, a profound grieving for something lost visible to every ear, but unable to be picked up by the mind.

It was all Dis could do to keep from fleeing from the house, running until her legs gave way and her body put itself out of the misery that had now overwhelmed it. As it was, she flew to her room, closing the door to shut herself in with the darkness, alone to deal with her turmoil of emotions, envying the supposed strength of her brother. In doing this, she did not hear the last line of the song, nor the way her brother's resolve broke on the last word, unable to keep it together any longer.

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**So, what did you think? Review and tell me. (and I know it's a little cliché to use the song but I could think of nothing else).**


	14. When you're afraid

******I forgot to mention, in chapter 12 (and possibly others) and this chapter, there may be a few lines referring to what happens in the BoFA indirectly.**

******So, here's the next chapter. I am actually quite happy with it (besides the ending) and I hope you like it (sorry if it is a bit short).**

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**Chapter 14: When you're afraid**

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Nightmares haunted the dwarfish woman's sleep, graves, tombs and bodies all rolled into one massive dream of death. Fire too starred in Dis' visions, the red-hot flames she conjured up in her mind seeming as real as they could possibly be. As it was, she did not have a restful sleep at all that night, and waking every so often after her dreams in fright became too much to bare, so she just gave up.

Lighting a small candle, Dis watched the dim light flicker on the walls, vainly fighting back the shadows which encircled her. Bringing the flame closer to her face, the dwarfish woman stared into its depths, mesmerised. It seemed to reach towards her, glowing an orangey-red. Moving a finger hesitantly closer to the flame, she brushed her finger past the tip. It tickled but didn't burn, her having barely touched the small fire.

Working up her courage, she tried again, further down the flame this time.

"Argh," she cried as she burned her finger, not loud enough to wake her sons, but loud enough for Thorin to come rocketing into her room, having, presumably, been awake, as Dis dumped the candle flame side up into the small bowl of water on her nightstand.

"What have you done?" Thorin asked, taking her by the shoulders and inspecting her for any injuries, a frantic note in his voice. Dis pulled away from him, not meeting him in the eye exactly.

"Nothing. I just burnt myself is all," the princess of Durin said, gesturing to the candle now floating in the bowl. Thorin squinted his eyes to make out the scene in the darkness. He then turned his squinted eyes onto her.

"What are you doing up this late at night?" he questioned.

"I could ask you the same thing," Dis replied. The pair had a brief staring contest in the dark, which Dis lost because she was still unable to look her brother directly in the eye.

"Why are you up?" the dark haired dwarf in front of her asked again. Dis sighed.

"I could not find a peaceful sleep," she answered.

"Why?" Thorin said, refusing to leave it.

His sibling looked away, not wanting to talk about it, to admit her weakness. Thorin would not let up however, and he stood there waiting for the moment she would break down an tell him. His presence, to Dis, was overpowering and it was something she could only stand for so long in the broken state that she was in.

"I am afraid," the proud dwarfish woman finally admitted, her eyes downcast as she waited for her brother to say something.

"What are you afraid of?" Thorin asked gently. Dis took a shuddering sigh.

"I'm afraid that you, Fili and Kili will leave me alone in this world to fend for myself without you," she breathed softly, as if she were speaking of something that should never have even been uttered, "I'm afraid of being alone, being abandoned, just as Rhorin abandoned me, intentional or not. And I am afraid of every time death comes to takes a life in this settlement, and for the lives of the dwarves who make their homes here."

She ended her speech, tears now streaming quietly down her face as she held her head in her hands. Thorin gave her a few moments to regain a hold of herself before responding the only way her knew how.

"It's okay to be afraid."

Dis looked up at him, surprise briefly crossing her face. Her tears began to cease as she saw her brother through new eyes.

"It's okay to be afraid, " he repeated, "Because being afraid is something that is a part of life." Closing his eyes, he continued on, "If a warrior was not afraid in the face of a great battle, then he would be most likely to act rash and get himself killed only a few moments in. A warrior who is equally afraid, afraid of losing, of dying, will be more likely to survive because he will keep fighting to ensure his fears do not become a reality. Your fears can lend you strength, but they can also drown you if you allow them to overwhelm you."

His younger sister stared at him, her eyes as wide as saucers as she realised the wisdom of her brother's words. Dis had only heard Thorin speak like that several times, and never directly to her. Through the darkness he gave her a small, encouraging smile, something which only bewildered Dis even further.

"When did you become so wise?" she asked, no malice or joking behind the words. Thorin retained the smile as he leaned against the wall.

"Since I learned that there are things in this world that I cannot hope to overcome," he answered, his voice not dead serious, yet still solemnly resined as if he had a lot of time to think about this.

"I feel a lot better now that it is out, and no longer pulling me down," Dis said after a short while of comfortable silence between the two. Thorin allowed his small smile to finally drop as he stood and stretched.

"Then you should get some sleep," he answered, pulling the door closed as he exited her room. The soft thump of the door shutting was the last thing Dis heard as she laid flat on her bed, watching as the now welcoming shadows danced across its frame.

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**Liked it? Please review.**


	15. And refusing to dwell

******I may have not done this chapter justice, but I promise the next and final chapter will be better. In fact, I swear on my laptop. Just as a warning before you read though, there is a death (at the end of this chapter and the beginning of the next). Enjoy (and, as always, don't ask about the chapter title).**

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**Chapter 15: And refusing to dwell**

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It was a relief to be out in the streets, letting the rays of sunlight shining through the clustered rooftops brush her skin and hair, especially after her getting things off her chest with Thorin. She still felt miserable, but the world was no longer as dark as she had come to believe. She still grieved for the deaths that had occurred in her life from the past months, but the faces did not haunt her night after night. Though, for her brother, it might be a different matter.

"Slow down," Dis sternly as Fili pulled at her hand, tugging her forward a few stumbling steps, "And do not let go of my hand. I would hate to lose you amongst all this."

The blonde obeyed her wishes and halted just long enough for his mother and brother to catch up. A small pang of guilt washed through Dis as she realised yet again how long it had been since she had taken her children out and into the bustling streets.

"Where are we going, momma?" the dwarfish woman heard her youngest ask from where he was situated upon her hip. The brunette's eyes were shinning at the fact that he was finally outside and his small hands were clenched excitedly in the rough material of her dress.

"I need to pick up several items from the market, and then you both can get some small treats if you are good," she answered, smiling down upon Kili who squealed at the promise of treats.

"We'll be good, won't we Fee?" the small dwarfling said instantly. His brother nodded beside him.

"Yes mother, we will be good," Fili said eagerly. Dis bit back a soft chuckle.

"I am sure you will be," she said, continuing to weave her way through the throng of dwarves with the occasional human and stray dog dotted here and there.

As she walked, both her boys distracted by the sights and sounds around them, Dis thought about her brother. Now that she was no longer blinded by her own fears, she was beginning to worry about him again, realising small details that she had missed before.

The usually proud dwarf seemed to be carrying himself in a more weary and resigned manner, instead of having the regal form he had exhibited ever since he had grown old enough to understand his responsibilities. Dis also kept thinking back to the look in Thorin's eyes when he had spoken to her last night, a look that again reflected his weary state of mind. But then again, he could just be stressed out from everything that he had to do.

Dis placed Kili on the ground next to his brother as she came to a stop in front of a store that sold fresh root vegetables, or at least that was what the storekeeper said anyway. Looking at the potatoes that were on sale, the dwarfish woman was jostled by a darked-haired dwarf of whom she caught a glimpse of startling green eyes from. The dwarf muttered an apology, his expression looking slightly wild as he hurried on his way, bumping into various people and looking as if though he were muttering to himself. Dis watched him go, slightly bewildered by his behaviour before turning back to pay for the items she wished to purchase.

"I wonder if someone is after him?" the storekeeper said as he handed her over her purchases.

"I wouldn't know," Dis said politely before calling her two sons to keep a hold of her hand and each other.

Again Dis wondered about Thorin and his words the night before, keeping an observant eye on both her children. There had been something hidden behind them, but she did not know exactly what.

"It is good to see you out and about, Dis," Dwalin said, speaking up from beside the woman which he had addressed. Dis had to keep herself from jumping.

"Dwalin," she exclaimed as both Fili and Kili smiled shyly up at the tall dwarf, "I did not see you there."

"A hard enough task when I tower over most of our king," he said lightly. Dis decided to change the topic.

"What are you doing in these parts?" she asked, unconsciously holding the hands of two straining dwarflings tighter.

"I am looking for Thorin," he replied, "Have you seen him?"

"Not since this morning when he said he was leaving for work," the dwarfish woman replied, "What of your brother? Does Balin know where he is?" Dwalin shook his head.

"He was the one to ask me to find Thorin, as apparently there is a small matter he cannot solve without him," the warrior said.

"Well, if I see my brother, I will inform him that Balin needs him and you are looking for him," Dis answered. Dwalin thanked her and moved off, quickly disappearing into the morning crowd.

Dis reflected on what the dwarf had said; Thorin had not gone into work, though he had clearly told her that it was where he was going as he had left that morning. The worry she had felt before for the state Thorin was in built up again and it took a moment for her to calm her own mind in order to keep from Fili and Kili the fact that something was wrong.

Looking around for someone she could talk to, she missed the thing that her youngest had pointed out.

"That's nice dear," she said automatically as she spotted the face of a familiar acquaintance. "Dori," she called out, the old dwarf responding by hurrying over.

"Good day, Lady Dis," he greeted in his polite way.

"Yes, good day," she replied hurriedly, not wanting to waste time with formalities, "Have you seen Thorin around by any chance?"

"Not that I can say," the dwarf replied, shaking his head. He then looked over her shoulder. "Oh, my," he said at the same time as Kili cried out again.

"Momma, that dwarf looks like he is going to jump."

Dis flew round, eyes wide as she realised what was happening.

"Dori, mind Fili and Kili for me," she said hastily as she began to move forward, "Move them away from here." The dwarf complied to her wishes, flashing a concerned gaze back in the direction of where everyone was now crowding around.

Closer to the building which everyone was surrounding, Dis could see the events unfolding more clearly. A dwarf was standing on top of the tall structure, his two dark braids moving in the wind as he shifted closer to the edge of the roof. It was pretty clear what his intentions were and almost all below were trying to reason with the dwarf not to do it.

Dis held her breath as she watched several dwarves take matters into their own hands and begin to scale the outside of the building, the dark haired dwarf on top clearly refusing to listen to the advice of those below him, acting as any proud dwarf would in the fact that he believed that he alone held the solution to his own problems. But this being was not proud, and certainly did not deserve to be called a dwarf as he glanced over the edge, his mind visibly racing. Dis felt her heart racing at seemingly the same pace.

_Oh Mahal,_ she thought, her brain shutting down on itself in denial, _no. This cannot be happening_.

The dwarf closed his easily recognisable eyes and took a single step forward into nothingness. There was not a single sound as he plummeted to the ground. And then half of those gathered began to scream.

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**Please, please, please review. Only one chapter to go.**


	16. In the life you've made

******Alright, here is the last chapter. And thanks for the responses from the previous one - some of your reactions were perfect (Aranel Mereneth). And thanks for those who have reviewed, favourited or followed this story at any point in time. This may not be my best story but I am glad that you enjoyed it. Read on my happy readers.**

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**Chapter 16: In the life you've made**

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Dis pushed her way to the front of the crowd, terror gripping her rapidly beating heart for fear of what she might see. She had been glad she had stuck Fili and his brother with Dori, not wanting them to witness what she suspected had taken place. As she finally broke free of the gathering of shocked dwarves, she swallowed conscientiously, at loath with the sight before her.

A dwarf laid spread eagle on the ground, blood pooling from a large, newly formed indentation in his head as well as from both his nose and mouth. Dark hair had been torn from the braids which had been previously kept it in check, messed up by the rush of the wind that would have been stirred by the displacement of the air from the dwarf's heavy body as he fell from such a height. His limbs were splayed out awkwardly, and his chest appeared to be crushed in from the impact of flesh and bone meeting cobbled stone.

A coward's way out; Dis was disgusted.

A small wail escaped into the air as another ran forward, kneeling in the pool of scarlet liquid as they beheld the sight before them with shock. The crowd began to disparate as several burly dwarves cleared the area. Thorin appeared by his sister's side.

"Such a cruel way to go," he said with a sigh, observing the scene before him with a wary eye. Dis snorted with contempt.

"A coward's way if you ask me."

Thorin did not shift his gaze from the broken form.

"To be driven to such extremes is a cruel fate in itself, not to mention what those left behind will suffer."

In front of them, the distraught female began to wail to her husband's spirit, praying that he would reach the halls of Mahal. Dis felt herself deflate somewhat at the sight, remembering her own pain at the death of Rhorin, grief striking afresh in her heart.

"Who was he?" she asked, remembering that he had been the one to bump into her only a short while ago while she had been shopping, the dwarfish woman recognising the once startling green colour of those now unnaturally dull, blank eyes.

"A warrior who fought in the battle of Moria," replied Thorin dully, "He was too young to see what he saw take place, the deaths…" He trailed off.

The two watched the sad scene for a while before the elder of the pair spoke again, this time turning to his female companion as he asked a question lurking in his mind.

"Where are Fili and Kili?" he inquired. Dis closed her eyes as Dwalin and several others lifted the lifeless body and guided the grieving widow away as she continued to wail and rub her swollen stomach.

"I told them to wait with Dori. This is not a sight to be seen by such young eyes."

"That is true enough, sister," Thorin replied before the two lapsed back into a silence. It was only a short while before it too was broken by Thorin. "Why must our people suffer so?" he said bitterly. Dis had no answer, though she suspected that her brother did not intend for one to be given. Instead, she decided to change the subject, both siblings finally turning away from the sight.

"You lied to me this morning," Dis said, not kindly, but not frigidly either. Thorin exhaled loudly as he began to follow Dis to where she had left her children.

"I needed some time to be alone with myself and my thoughts," he answered eventually.

"You could have stayed in the house and done so," Dis said, "For you would have been more alone than someplace in these markets."

"Yes," her brother acknowledged, "But in order to deal with my thoughts I needed to get away from them first." Dis stopped, catching Thorin by the arm.

"What are your thoughts?" she asked in a desperate voice, "What do you dream of night after night? And why won't you tell me? I do not want you to end up like the dwarf back there." Thorin smiled wearily down at his sister.

"My thoughts are my own," he said, "But if you must know, they are about everything that has transpired ever since Erebor fell." The exiled king looked into the distance longingly. "I aspire to one day return and reclaim our home from the dragon," he said in a voice which also displayed his longing, "And as for my dreams, they are something which haunt me, but I will not impart their secrets with you. They are something that I would not wish upon my most hated of enemies."

"Why not tell me this before?" Dis asked, "And why the lies this morning?" Thorin sighed.

"I did not tell you because it is not your burden to bare," he said honestly, "And I did not want to push my own problems onto you. In any case, they are something that are mine alone to deal with. And as for me lying to you, that was not all a lie. I was going to go to work later today."

Dis looked up at her brother, not completely satisfied with the reply, but knowing it was the best she would most likely get. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around him and gave the dark haired dwarf a brief hug before letting him go so they could continue on to their younger kin. Upon reaching the pair, Dis was immediately asked a question she did not want to give an answer to.

"Momma, what happened to the dwarf on the roof?" Kili asked, blinking up at her as Thorin nodded in dismissal at Dori. Dis floundered around in her head for an explanation as to what had happened without telling the two dwarflings before her what had actually occurred. She breathed a sigh of relief when Thorin saved her.

"He went to a better place," their uncle told them, before sweeping both boys up into his arms. Fili and Kili both giggled as he playfully squeezed them tight, both their minds taken off the green eyed dwarf.

"Help us, mother," Fili cried breathlessly as his uncle decided to turn him upside down. At a half stern, half amused look from his sister, Thorin swung the lad the right way up again.

"Shall we?" he asked, voice rising above the joyful cries of his nephews as he purposely jostled them. Dis smiled.

"Yes, I do believe it is time we returned home," the dwarfish woman said, walking side by side with her brother.

It was not long before they reached the house they lived in and Thorin had taken Fili and Kili into the room in front of the fireplace to play. Dis removed the shawl from around her shoulders and moved to her room, pacing the piece of cloth on the bed when something else caught her eye. Delicately picking it up, Dis stared into the eyes of a female dwarf smiling out from the sketch, her eyes. She smiled to herself as she realised what the piece of paper was. It would seem that Thorin had finished his drawing of her.

Looking back out her room's door and down the hall, Dis' eyes met those of her brother. He shot her a brief smile in the midst of an attack from both her children, before his face too was covered by two small heads of blonde and brown.

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**Alright, so I have another gift for you in this story; the chapter titles. Go back up to the bit where you can select chapters and read all the titles one after the other in order. It should turn out to be a form of text you recognise (hopefully), though it is not overly good and is not related to the story.**

**Back to the actual story; what did you think? I know it wasn't my best, but did you like it? Review please. **


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